What’s Your Child’s Love Language?


I knew about Gary Chapman’s Five Love Language some time before I got married, and it has been a long time since we husband and wife discussed about it. We did talk about it briefly before the wedding as part of getting to know each other, but at this moment I could not remember what he said at that time. After three years of marriage and knowing him more closely, I think I know mine and his love languages better.

It was not until a few weeks back that I was reminded to analyze Isa’s love language. He is still a toddler, and perhaps all toddlers need a bit of words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, receiving gifts and quality time. Nevertheless, I can spot some particular habits of his that points towards a specific language.

And I suspect his primary love language is physical touch.

Isa is a big ‘hugger’ for instance.

There was one occasion when my family members were sitting together and he started to hug each one of us – me, my parents, my sisters, my brothers and his cousin. He was barely two at that time, and my nephew (whose development I followed quite closely) has never shown such behavior. And he still does that often with family members.

Whenever he noticed that I am angry with him – or when I made it clear through “Mommy is upset with you!” – his reaction was priceless; he’d immediately scream “I want to hug mommy” a few times.

These days it is even clearer. Sometimes in the car, when he is safely secured in his carseat, he would ask for my hand “Mommy, I want to hold your hand!” – which often results in my hand being overstretched to reach him from the co-pilot set, and at some extremes – he insisted on hugging me from the passenger seat which is of course impossible.

He also loves backrubs – which according to this slide is a clear clue of his primary love language – physical touch. I’d offer him backrubs when putting him to sleep, and there are days when he’d move his clothes just to have my hand directly touch his skin. I mean, that is a really clear sign, no?

It is true that we should not assume that boys need physical touch any less than girls – my son could be an example.

And I guess Isa is just lucky to have a mom whose primary love language is physical touch too, that his inclination is, well, more than happily received.

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