My fulfilling single life…
This is not a word that will allow the smug singleton out there to say ‘Oh, here’s another person who regrets being married’. I am as contented as I was back then when I was single. My partner makes me happy, of course he does, but happiness is just a jolt of joy – while contented is the whole general climate.
I had a fulfilling single life. While I was single and unattached, I was not worried that I did not have a partner. Why?
I just don’t know.
I have accustomed myself into thinking that God doesn’t discriminate people – that only married people would enter Jannah. I can be a better person and please Allah when I was on my own, contribute in spreading goodness and forbidding evil and go on thinking that if I’d die tomorrow I must have nothing to regret about.
It saddens me to see my girl friends looking so into marriage, posting statuses and articles on Facebook with regards to this issue every other day, telling the world that you are waiting for the one, consoling yourselves that the time will come.This is not surely the only problem (if it can be considered one) they are thinking about, I hope, or if so, it is even more saddening because these religion-conscious individuals should also know there are thousands of issues out there that needs their attention.
And it even saddens me more to read in youth forums (the Islamic ones mostly) the implicit intention of becoming better (e.g. getting a bigger hijab, do this and that) after being married. If those actions are good, why wait? Why do you need another person as a condition to changing yourselves? Yes, your partner is a Godsend catalyst to support you to become better, but if that is the prerequisite of being better, then God is being unfair to those who died unmarried.
I think the underlying, fundamental mindset that I have been holding on to, is to live the moment. Yes, I was single. There are maybe some drawbacks to it, but there are still a number of opportunities I could grab – to learn and enrich my knowledge in my deen (by that I am not implying that I’d have less opportunities now that I’m married, but circumstances are different), to build myself as an individual, to spend more time with my siblings and family– I did these, and I am glad I did so.
And I have been telling others I had a wonderful, fulfilling single life that so far, on the brink of entering motherhood, I have no single regret as to ‘I wish I had done this or that.’
I am not saying all this in a superior tone, and I hope I did not sound like that. I’m just reiterating the fact that:
- Allah knows the best and the right time for you to be married. Keep praying.
- Live your life NOW. If an opportunity to ‘fulfill half your deen’ comes up, take it and consider it rationally, but until you have found the right person to settle down with, go on making the best of your numbered single days.
Now that I am married, I have been posed with questions from my single friends: ‘Would you still be able to do this and that now that you are married?’ Well, ‘this and that’ sometimes refers to hanging out with girlfriends, go shopping, attending lectures and the likes.
My answers were normally YES.
It could be so because I am just extremely lucky to have a cool husband, but I am never hindered to do any of those, if those are things you think you’d miss once you tie the knot.
Let me put it clear here, sometimes I don’t even feel like having those ‘this and that’ anymore – I have enough adult interaction during working hours, and at the end of the day, all that I crave is the companionship from the partner. I didn’t know I’d feel that way before I was married, but that is what God has granted to the married ones – the Love and Mercy between spouses.
That is the essence of everything – to live life fully at the moment making full advantage of what is in hand. I was single – and contented, then I chose to be married – and decided that I will work on it to make sure that I’ll be as contented (but people keep saying I am so much happier now it’s so obvious). We then agreed that we wanted to become parents, and when the opportunity comes, regardless of so many things that could be seen as drawbacks, we want to take full advantage of it.
After all, the past is not something to dwell in but to take lessons from, the future is not something to worry or excessively dream about – it’s the present moment that we should concentrate on filling – with things and actions that will bring us closer to His Jannah.