Month: July 2010

What if you find a watch in the sand?

Suppose you find a watch in the middle of a desert.
What would you conclude?
Would you think that someone dropped this watch?
Or would you suppose that the watch came by itself?
Of course no sane person would say that the watch just happened to emerge from the sand. All the intricate working parts could not simply develop from the metals that lay buried in the earth. The watch must have a manufacturer. If a watch tells accurate time we expect the manufacturer must be intelligent. Blind chance cannot produce a working watch.

Then how can this world exist on its own?

Sakit

Sakit itu ada bermacam-macam jenis.

Yang nampak, yang zahir, itu sakit fizikal yang orang di sekeliling kamu akan senang mencadangkan: ‘Makan ubat’. Kalau sudah bekerja seperti saya, jawapannya mungkin berubah: ‘Pergilah klinik, bukannya kena bayar sendiri pun!’

Yang tidak nampak, yang kurang zahir, itulah sakit spiritual. Orang sekeliling kamu mungkin tidak nampak sakitnya, tetapi ada kebarangkalian terlihat juga simptom-simptomnya. Ini mungkin sekali penyakit hati.

Sekarang, yakni pada saat ini saya ada seorang pesakit. Kedua-duanya sekali: zahir dan batin.

Mata kiri saya bengkak sedikit kelopak bawahnya.

Dan saya sudah empat hari bekerja kurang produktif.

Sakit mata itu saya kurang risau. Esok-esok inshaAllah pulihlah ia. Hari ini menjadi gadis berkaca mata, kerana rasa-rasanya sakit ini kesan kanta sentuh yang dipakai agak lama beberapa hari lepas.

Sakit hati ini sebenarnya yang lebih mendukacitakan.

Biar saya beritahu kenapa.

Pengajian tazkiyatunnafs mengingatkan saya bahawa perasan-perasaan, atau emosi seperti malas iaitu kurang produktif seperti sakit saya ini, sedih, marah, dan lain-lain yang seumpamanya bermula daripada hati yang sakit.

Hati itu sakit kerana banyak titik hitam, bererti banyak dosa.

Hati yang sakit perlukan ubat, itulah mengingat Allah.

Hati yang lapar perlukan makanan, itulah mengingat Allah.

Oh, memilih Tuhan yang Satu dan beristiqamah di jalan itu – seperti ditulis HAMKA – bukan kerja mudah. Perlu mujahadah yang panjang.

Tetapi jika itu adalah satu-satunya tujuan hidup, maka apa lagi yang perlu lebih banyak usaha berbandingnya?

Summer Sunshine, I Miss You

I have had only four summers, if it is summer memory that we are talking about. First, Malaysia is a tropical country, so there’s no summer whatsoever, but for the past four years, having been in the UK doing my degree, the phrases like ‘summer love’ and ‘summer sunshine’ make more sense to me.

And that four summers, I do have a few things I want to keep alive in my memories, I would want to preserve the smell, the atmosphere, the feeling, and everything intangible of those memories.

My first summer, in 2006, did not impress anything on my mind, except a few memories in Malacca, Malaysia, and there you go, I think I can hear the official theme song of the journey, by Opick.

But the next summer was definitely one of a kind.

I spent two months in Egypt, and there are several things I wish time and old age won’t take them away.

Me, climbing Mt Sinai is one of them.

The road trip through the Sinai Peninsular, and upon reaching Taba’, that was one of the best kept scene in my mind.

The travelling across the desert – that is really unforgettable. Would upload the pics soon.

Well, these things keep coming to me whenever I feel trapped in my cubicle.

The next summer, I went back home again, and there’s not much.

But my final summer in the UK still haunts me – the few days I spent at Abergavenny, Wales – in Breacon Beacon National Park, and what I did at the top of Sugar Loaf. That was amazing. I felt close to God at that time, and the peace and tranquility soothed me to sleep.

And yes, the daredevil act of traveling to Germany alone – spending a few days along River Rhine – Dusseldorf and Cologne to be exact- thinking and contemplating about life. I flew two days after finishing my final exam – official not a student anymore.

I could not remember exactly what I thought at that moment, but I remember the summer sunshine.

There you go. My all-time favourite summer memories that I hope, my brain will keep them intact.

Dream that You Dare to Dream

Strangely, though this one looks like a common question, I have just realised that I have not thought of this, well, at least for the past one year.

Sure, I live for the moment, seize the day and all, but there’s nothing wrong with a bit of planning, no?

10 years from now, oh, that’s 2020. If you are a Malaysian, you’d probably be aware how familiar that year is – Wawasan 2020 by our previous PM – but let’s not look at the macro scale.

Just look at the micro but precious life on mine.

My life in 10 years.

I would be 35 by then.

Career-wise, I wish I could be at least four steps ahead of where I am now. Should Have completed my MBA by that time, and probably another Master’s degree. Well, 35 is a prime time in a career, might not be at the peak yet, but enough experience to be heard and listened to. Do something great, leave a legacy for those coming after me.

And hopefully at that time, I have not change myself into something other than a corporate environmentalist.

Oh well, though I first address my career issue, I know that ten years ahead I want to have a family. Have children. Be a good mother, and a happy one at that. Let’s skip the bit about the husband, but the truth is, nature’s kicking, and I am feeling the urge to become a carer.

What else?

Write and publish something, NOT in a blog, of course.

Err, regardless of how lame and sallow I think it is to plan of something material, having known the importance of a good car, I wish I can afford a hybrid car by that. Haha.

That’s in term of achievement.

But above all, ten years from now, I hope I am at more peace with life and myself, I am closer to God and have a better spiritual relationship with him. I hope I have done enough good deeds to meet Him and not be shame of my life.

I wish ten years from now I could have done much more for Islam and the world and now that I am fulfilling my deen as much as I can. And has memorised more than half of the Holy Book.

I wish ten years from now I would be more mature and wise.

I wish 10 years from now, if I am still breathing, I am a better person. Spiritually, physically (though this might be less possible, 2nd Law of Thermodynamics says so), mentally and emotionally.

And of course, ten years from now I wish, ultimately, that God would love me more and be please with me, whether I am still alive or not.

Back in the Saddle

You’re a good soldier
Choosing your battles
Pick yourself up
And dust yourself off
And back in the saddle

1. Didn’t watch most of the games this time around, but as England lost to Germany – despite me rooting for England a bit, I was only a bit upset and erm, converted to the German. To be exact, from Rooney to Ozil. Blame me not – I couldn’t stand being the supporter of such an over-rated team which consists more of poster boys than real, entertaining, goal-scoring players.
2. Jonathon Porritt is coming to KL! SD is organising the lecture which will be held in SDCC, Bukit Kiara – and lucky me, the boss wants me to be there. I was like, whoaaa! Never thought that I would have the chance to meet him live now that I’m back in Malaysia – but here I am, as excited as I could be! Well, for a book that has pretty much change my way of thinking, I think that’s justifiable. I wrote a review on his book, a favourite of mine here: Capitalism as if the World Matters.
3. Went to see this play by Faisal Tehrani entitled ‘Kopitiam Ghadir’ with the girls. It was entertaining, though when one of the actor started stuttering I felt like giving him a punch – and I do not agree much with the approach. It might be an eye-opener for some, but pretty much a play on loose, and a bit lame arguments. But the actors were great – and I do notice thatĀ  despite me being only artistically one-eyed. They called themselves RPS, which stands for Revolusi Pembudayaan Selawat, and they maintain a blog here.
4. I am working hard preparingĀ  for BeRes, a joint venture between Iluvislam.com and INTELEK – Bengkel Remaja Super – and being one of the speakers I can feel the heat and challenges speaking to an audience with diversed background. Talking to uni students, overseas at that – it was totally different. The mindset, the experience and environment they are exposed to are different. I need to simplify thing up or else I’d be talking to a confused audience this Saturday. God, help me.
5. Oh, I need to make this official: I failed to write everyday. Again. Maybe I should stick to twice a week? That sounds more doable, right?
6. I’ve read less nowadays. And memorise less too, of the Quran. This is sad. Somebody please inject me with anything that can make me a little bit more consistent.

That’s it.

Have a blessed day everyone, and sorry for making you read such a crappy entry.