Month: May 2010

The Big Con Game?

At last, I find time to comment about this.

A friend of my (or shall I include the adjective ‘feminist’) gave me a link to this article here at, and see if there’s anything I’d like to comment on that. I kept that in my mind, and now only I find the time to write about this. How could I ignore such a request from a good friend of mine anyway?

Here’s my spontaneous remark after reading it the first time:
‘Is this supposed to be satirical?’

I had a good laugh about it, to be honest. It is indeed an interesting point of view, not disturbing at least to me, because if I weren’t to adopt my current way of thinking, I’d have the same view too!

I wish I could read more of this author – she seems to be a interesting writer, and probably I’d agree more with her, but for this one in more than one case, I beg to differ.

I don’t have any idea on how to approach this in a systematic way (this is not supposed to be an essay, I reckon?), so I’ll just comment on lines I feel like commenting on.

I am convinced that the feminists, judging from their photographs at least, and on some personal observation, are so unattractive mentally, physically, and in personality, that they are envious because they can’t even qualify for the Big Con Game, and so don’t want other women to wallow in it with sweet and secret smiles.


As for myself, I am only wistful, and plenty happy that my two beautiful daughters are in on the Game and enjoying every minute of it, and wouldn’t even dream of Female Liberation. I brought them up to appreciate their blessings — and to shut their mouths around their husbands, for fear the boys would catch on and demand liberation for themselves, which is exactly the calamity these rampant females in the “Liberation Movement” are going to precipitate. God help the contented women who will be their victims!

[Ouchh! So here I am, as unattractive as I could be if I follow her logics, since I am often labeled as a feminist.]

OK, let’s get back to her statement. Some preliminary comments:

1. I am sure we can agree that at least for us, we don’t qualify to be the Liberated Women. At least I don’t. And of course, we aren’t the liberated women who believe that having sex whichever way we like is our sole right that nobody can interefere as she implied almost at the end of the article. The same goes for men too. Though I’m not denying that there exists a stigma that ‘naughty’ women are worse than ‘naughty’ men, like smoking women is worse than smoking men, I believe that what’s wrong is wrong, and before God it is still the same whether you are male or female, the weight of the wrongdoing will be the same in these cases.

2. Then there is the idea of The Big Con Game. There’s the Big Con Game where women practically ‘use’ men, and in this article, she put it as if it is the men that are being enslaved.

The Game should continue, and nobody should awaken them that they would fight for Men’s Liberation. But it’s the Liberated Women who are doing so, causing troubles to the Cherished Women wo wish to still play the Con Game.

Oh, I so familiar with this game, often tempted to take part in it.

I remember this line from Sidney Sheldon: ‘If you have brain, beauty and a vagina, you own the world.’

That’s another summary on what the Big Con Game is.

You sure can rule the world by exploiting your God-given femininity – knowing that it might be the point of weakness of the other sex – well, admit it girls that we practise it to a certain extent. At least I do, and most of the times feel guilty about it.

Here’s why:

• Doing that usually involves being particularly softer in words, extra smiley face and nicer words with atypical intonation and more often than not, suggestive body language, as compared to the professional-like manner in which a lady should act when interacting with the opposite sex. That is totally against the words of Allah which says that a woman should never speak in a soft manner that will attract the guys.

So no, there should not be a Con Game, for me in that aspect. Though a women can, and granted freewill, there’s a line drawn and here it is.

3. But of course, it is a fact that men should be the protectors and resposible for the family. And the lady should, if possible, stay at home taking care of the family which is a big task by itself.

Now that I am working I can understand why a woman is preferred to stay at home. Don’t frown yet, my readers, I have not changed much. What I think is true, I should never deny, and I am not going to deny that a woman working sometimes bring more harm – to herself, her family, and ultimately the society.

But the current condition is irreversible I’d like to think, and as I’ve written before, there is not (yet) a system that supports the rights of women as properly prescribed by Islam – hence it many conditions we just have to accept the fact that women need to work, and very rarely nowadays a household can live on one person’s income.

Does that mean the men are being enslaved, that they are made responsible to feed the whole family and clothe them?

I don’t think so.

And that does not mean that the women at home are being the lady of leisure, free from any sort of responsibility nor accountability?

I don’t think so either.

And all of us know why. We have always listened to women, being full-time homemakers, whining about how tired they were at the end of the day. The to-do list is never ending, that’s what I know. Include the fact that the children should never be out of your sight 24/7 (recall cases of abduction, kidnapping, rape and all) – you can never ever say leaving it to the men to provide means that women can leisurely spend time on manicure and pedicure every other day.

“Janet, you aren’t the gentle little woman my mother was. My father worshiped her, and no wonder. You are too strong, yourself, and too independent for me. There’d be conflict in the house. You wouldn’t be satisfied just to be taken care of; you’d want to do something on your own, and be a ‘partner’ to me. It’s just no use.”

4. Oh yes, I know for a fact that if being cleverer than a guy doesn’t pay if you are trying to woo him. Being stronger or independent too, for that matter. I don’t believe that women should not ever want to do something on their own, or equalize themselves to their spouses to the level of ‘partner’.

First, here’s my 2 cents: only a man who is vulnerable and weak are overwhelmed, and feel inferior by a woman of such traits. If you realize the fact that men and women are created by God the Wisest to complement each other, why worry that she would outrun you? She will still need you anyway.

On the ‘partner’ case – I think that to return to the Word of God that describe husband and wife as garments for each other, protectors of each other, shall explain it all.

And too look at the Women around the Prophet, I reached this conclusion: none of them (or most of them, to be honest, since I might miss some) get captured in history due to them shadowing their husbands or tied to them– they were written in history for us to read due to their own achievements as individuals. So, though God surely knows better, we can always agree that wanting to do something of our own is not wrong. If you have the ability and blessed with talents, then why not?

Tragically, such near-men and the Liberation Ladies can never crush the longing of a woman’s heart to be cherished, to be protected, to be guarded, to be honored and deferred to, to be loved dearly and devotedly, to be a true helper, to be a complement, in her femininity, to the masculine nature; her longings to be the patroness of beauty and tranquility, to be the dear mother of respectful children, to be, as the Holy Bible says, “a good woman, whose price is far above rubies,” the adorner of life, the civilizer, Godly, with beauty of spirit long after her youthful beauty has gone.

It is a woman’s nature to make a sanctuary of love and delight in her home. That is the true “career” for women. Alas, alas, that so many multitudes of women are now forced — or choose — to abandon that career, and to become imitation men in society. The true men won’t marry them. The creeps will throng about them. They will reap the betterness I have had to reap — though I never wanted a career, never wanted to be “stalwart.” I just wanted to be a woman.

5. OK, this one really gets me into thinking and checking – have I tried to be an imitation of men all this while? But then, what kind of imitations that can be called imitation of men?

Is it how I dress up? If that’s so, then rest assured I’m not. Baju kurung still feels good on me.

Is it how I talk? I think I have toned down enough. After all, to act professionally is always the correct middle way – refer to the previous paragraph.

If to appear strong, become independent, opinionated can cause me to be accused of attempting to imitate men, I am terribly sorry. I don’t think those adjectives are meant for the other, not-so-fair sex only and there’s no way I could change that!

And of course, I am not denying all the descriptions: the longing of a woman’s heart to be cherished, to be protected, to be guarded, to be honored and deferred to, to be loved dearly and devotedly, to be a true helper, to be a complement, in her femininity, to the masculine nature; her longings to be the patroness of beauty and tranquility, to be the dear mother of respectful children, to be, as the Holy Bible says, “a good woman, whose price is far above rubies,” the adorner of life, the civilizer, Godly, with beauty of spirit long after her youthful beauty has gone.

She indeed described it well – but I’d rather say that that’s not all that a woman might want, and even, not all that God intended a woman to be.

A friend of mine once asked, if I ever marry a person who’s rich enough to provide me with everything, would I settle down as a stay-at-home mother? I’d say I would, no doubt about it, as long as I am allowed to make myself useful to the society at that too. For, in my understanding, a woman should work if the situation (financial it is) requires, and, here’s a quote from Prof. Dr Md Uqlah Al-Ibrahim, on what makes women working ‘harus’ according to Islam:

d- Mempunyai keistemewaan yang hebat sehinggakan kemahiran ini sangat diperlukan oleh masyarakat umumnya. (Translated :Having specialties and skills that are highly needed by the society)

The decay and the ruin of a nation has always lain in the hands of its women. So does its life and strength, its reverence for beauty, its mercy and kindness. And, above all, its men.

And this one, this one, is really annoying.

Enough said.

p.s I vow not to write on this topic ever, ever again.It is quick becoming boring and tiring. I don’t know why.



Opss! It’s a typo.

A Short note. Probably not worth reading.

My boss saved me for a job that, literally, no one has done it before. I don’t know what to feel, but I seriously need to start from, again, literally, zero.
Take a deep breath, and plunge.
I need to know about biodiversity and conservation, and more importantly how to integrate it in business operation. Biodiversity and conservation, more than just mere one-off CSR-like projects I mean.
Mind-boggling it is, indeed.
But the nicest bit is that it is fast moving towards the end of the financial year (and a troublesome one, if you know what I mean) and this is something new, and we need to know more, so my boss gives me this allowance to buy necessary books.
How cool can that be?
Let’s go book shopping and spend the department’s money!
And, oh yes, I need to know and be a real expert in environmental management systems too.
You see, I put an ‘s’ at the end of the word ‘system’, which means, as you know, more than one. One standard is tiring and boring enough to master, so don’t tell me how much energy I need to study numerous systems for LCA, GHG inventory, eco-labelling and whatnot. Even at this moment I can definitely feel the possible pain.
But I am writing this in a cheerleading note nonetheless.

Complete this Sentence…

If everything is possible, that’s the pre-requisite.

But now that I have pretty much embraced the bitter religion of realist, I know things aren’t that straight forward. But there’s no harm in playing with imagination, and put that aside for a while, until the opportunity comes…

So if I were to complete this sentence ‘If I weren’t where I am now, I’d probably…’, here are my answers:

1. Become a travel journalist. Travel AND writing. Both are indulgences.

2. Continue doing a degree. Art, definitely. Or philosophy. Or history.

3. Learn sewing and fashion designing. And design clothes. I love going to textiles shops and imagining costumes I can design with them. Unfortunately I don’t know how to sew (except for sewing in buttons, I didn’t do ERT back in high school).

4. Write Travel guides, muslim styles. Arghh.. I so wish I could.

5. Private investigator. Like Kalinda of The Good Wife series maybe. This really fits well with my nature.

6. Become a Coffee-taster. Is there such a job anyway?

p.s. I am done with all my project presentations. So you know, this is what a person would do under pressure: let the imagination run wild.

How can this be?

Just a test on perception:

A father and his son get in a car crash. The father dies and his son is rushed to the hospital. When
the surgeon comes in and says, “I refuse to operate on this boy, for he is my son.”
How is this possible?

Going to elaborate more on this =)