Month: February 2010

Of Politics & Marriage: Losing Faith

Blame me not, I am losing faith.

In politics.
In marriage.

Regardless of me being a choleric, and have long known that with power, you can change a lot of things. For the better.

Regardless of me thinking of marriage as a sacred institution, translatin love and mercy into tangible things. And some parts of me which are, regardless of how practical and realistic I could be, hopelessly romantic.

Blame me not.

Where Troubles Melt

You should believe me when I say I enjoy and love my work, my day job very much.

But you should not be surprised when I say that at times, I wish I could be at some other places.

And when I am trapped in a 5 X 6 m room (Yes, I was given a room temporarily, the cubicles are full for the time being), there’s nothing that let my imagination runs wild, and makes me feel like I am somewhere else like this song : Somewhere over the Rainbow.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby ii ii iii
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I’ll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you’ll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can’t I? i iiii

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I’ll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, “How do you do?”
They’re really saying, I…I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They’ll learn much more
Than we’ll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld

Someday I’ll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that’s where you’ll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can’t I? I hiii ?

No, it is not the version which Connie Talbot of  British Got Talent sang, but the very version sang by the Hawaiian Israel Kamakawiwo’Ole.  Oh yes, I copied the surname instead of typing it in.

I don’t know if I secretly long for a little traveling out of this concrete jungle.
I don’t know if I subconsciously am tired of doing this.

But sometimes, I do, I do wish that I could be somewhere else.

And more often that not, that song brings me to Egypt.

The beaches.
The good friend of mine.
The mind, being free from any burden.
The indulgent in the vast sea of knowledge.
The journey of a thousand miles across Sinai.

Where trouble melts like lemon drops.

Oh God, I miss the desert I can cry now.

This is real escapism, if you ask me.

p.s. thanks to a good friend of mine who introduced the song to me.
p.p.s Strangely, England doesn’t appear in my dreams anymore.

Revamp

Wandering

I changed some things about my blog.

And I do  understand that my entry counts are now getting lower each month, but it doesn’t mean that I will stop writing soon. I still want to write, and hence think – so I figured out probably I need to, you know, renovate or give a face-lift, relaunch, or anything of the same concept ,to this blog.

I am considering paying some amount of money for blog hosting, if I were to use the rule ‘if you have to pay for something, you will appreciate it more’, but having attended  only four Mandarin classes for which I have paid £100 pound for sixteen – I should have known by experience that the rule doesn’t apply to me.

So for the time being, the revamp plan only includes a change of the blog title and the tagline – in case you haven’t notice. That’s it for now.

And yeah, having changed the archive feature from ‘drop-down’ to ‘list’ I realised that it has been four years of me blogging.

Four years.

I do hope there are things countable as good deeds out of 355 entries I have published.


Palestine: The Jerusalem bells are ringing

My morning routine consists of last minute ironing (that’s due to my indecisive nature when it comes to choosing what to wear) while listening to overvolumed Astro Awani morning news which is normally on air twice at 7.00 and also 7.30 a.m. And a few days ago, I was struck by a feeling – which almost brought me into tears.

You probably have heard of the Earthquake in Haiti (and it recurred again yesterday) – and here’s a fundamental question before I move on : Have you done anything in your power to help, be it as passive as offering some silent prayers, or the best that we can do now – donate some amount of money?

Shamefully, my answer is no, I didn’t do anything up until now.

And for that, I do deserve wrath of Lord, because apparently the Palestinians are much better than me; more compassionate, selfless, and self-sacrificing despite their own heavy burden, while the heaviest burden I have now is probably the ever-slowing w1max internet connection.

Shame on me.

Palestinians, as the newscaster mentioned, despite their own condition, offered contributions – monetary and other needs to the poor, unfortunate Haitians after the tremor. And that, for me, is unthinkable – while would you care about others while you yourself is at stake? Where do they get this big heart to give, and the heart to think that ‘my house might be bombed tomorrow, but there are people in greater distress than I am’.

You can’t give what you don’t have.

Obviously, I don’t have the mercy and compassion to offer ones.

I recalled attending a sharing session with pro-Palestinians activists who have just come back from their convoy (from the UK up until Egypt at that time) – and one told us how wonderful and amazing these people are. How beautiful their hearts are, and despite the heavy trials on them, they can still keep their sanity and inner peace – would you be the same if your whole family has been massacred by the Zionists mercilessly? He mentioned that despite the terrible news on the state of these Palestinians, when he met them in-person, they were just, in a positive way, indifferent. No, I don’t think they have been desensitized by things that happened, but it is rather the inner peace that God has bountifully granted to them due to their patience and God-dependence.

He recalled his conversation with a Palestinian he met – and here’s the heart-wrenching bits: ‘ We don’t need your money. We don’t need your money, but all that we want you to do is go back to your country and tell everyone what is happening here; all the cruelty we are subjected to. That is all we want from you.’

All praise be to the Lord for creating such beautiful people to remind me how selfish I am.

***

Here’s another story on Palestinians – on a different note.

There are times I feel like pulling myself out of Facebook, but for some reasons, like this one; where the just 2-3 nights before the day, I was informed through someone’s status that there is going to be a peaceful demonstration, which is not a correct term I believe, commemorating one year of the attack by Zionists on Palestine at MidValley Megamall.

I cancelled my reunion picnic with my ex-schoolmates for this, and some other reasons of course, because I could not bear the guilt of not doing anything (other than reading the news headlines, only) for the Palestinians, while at the same time last year, I was on the street in London doing some demonstrations.

So there I was – Haz was supposed to join me, but she had something to do, so I was left with ill-stricken Hakimah when I reached that megamall. I was not wearing the Palestinian scarf and was almost disappointed to see at quarter past eleven, there was literally nobody I could identify as fellow activists.

It was not until half an hour later when I saw the group – and approached them – some middle-aged women, young girls and kids, a few men in Pro-Palestine T-shirt. I was hooked up in a conversation with a few activists – turned out to be important person of Viva Palestina Malaysia (VPM), previously known as Complete – and when Azra asked me if I can commit to VPM – I spontaneously say yes – well, of course I can try to squeeze in, thinking about those wasteful hours Facebooking and literally doing nothing – and she gave me the card.

And last week, again – the three of us, Hanee, Haz and I joined the VPM meeting – well, I’d say this is the first meeting where I was in the same room with much older people – and constantly being referred as ‘the three young ladies’. And thanks to the warm welcome – I did feel at home among these experienced professionals. Most of the attendees are ladies of different backgrounds, representing different bodies (and I started to wonder how they escaped their daily routine to attend the meeting at 8.30 p.m. on a weekday), and a few gentlemen whom I know from very esteemed professional background.

I guess I’ll learn a lot from this circle of individuals whom I have deep respect for.

So there you go. Another commitment which I hope, will be countable as a good deed by God.

One person really can’t do much,that is as sure as hell, but surely one can do something.

[Will update with pics soon, inshaAllah]