I bought a new bottle of Vitamin C (Actually ‘Busy B with C High Strength’ the label said), hopefully I won’t be absent from school this long anymore. Not that I missed school so much, it’s just that I am getting tired of doing nothing. I am not so good at doing nothing.
But being bed-ridden always gives me opportunities to read not-so-heavy novels, and for the previous five days I managed to finish two books by Sophie Kinsella, which I would not even think of borrowing from the Central Library when I was healthy and another book owned by Kak Abby, since these are the only reading materials that will not give me further headache (compare reading Heat Transfer and Process Integration notes to these, if you must have a comparison).
And today, feeling a lot more healthier I braved myself to the city centre, despite the very cold weather (blame the wind actually) which in no time will have my nose blocked again. My sole reason of leaving my study table (I was trying to catch up with the missed lessons) and my cosy room is that I have promised my ‘anak-anak usrah’ I would try to get some theatre tickets for our evening out, plus the Vitamin C.
So I went to the Royal Exchange Theatre, just to find out that the tickets for the theatre were all sold out! Oh my, I could not find any other performances as ‘clean’ as that one, collaboration of Muslim and Jewish youth of Manchester entitled ’24 Hour City’, the current theatre staged is ‘The Vortex’ and I doubt its ‘cleanliness’. You know, it is not that I do not see any kissing scene on telly, but to watch them before your eyes for five minutes makes me uncomfortable somehow, and moreover, I am with my ‘anak usrah’!
But passed Boots there was this teenager, I prefer to categorised him as little kid because I think he might be around 9-10 years old, performing hip-hop dance. Seriously, it was cool. Really, really awesome. The fact that the step was so smart, and he was performing alone owes him much respect from me.
It was not only me who was really impressed by the performance, but I believe everyone else was also as entertained. He was so young to have such a courage to perform in public, very relaxed and confifent- it strikes me hard : why did not I have such a big courage back when I was his age? why didn’t I have it now? Is it in my blood that I am nervous in public or it is just my coward mind that refrained me from shining?
If I could turn back time, which is not a good ‘if’, there are many things I want to change. Especially my school days in Kuantan. Yes, after 22 years (21 years, 11 months and 21 days to be accurate) I have to admit that the saying ‘ You will regret things that you did not do rather than those you did’ is very, very true. I regret never being serious in hockey,I regret I turned down the offer to join the school debating team, I regret I refuse to join ‘Tahfiz Quran team’, I regret I did not turn up for Tarannum classes, I regret I did not struggle hard to get Pandu Puteri Diraja batch – and the biggest thing to be regretful of is that I was so study-conscious that now I am regretting everything I did not do because of it. Exam is important, but everything else is also as important.
Maybe it was my fault, maybe not. Maybe the exam-oriented environment is to be blamed- after all, the pressure was there to keep a good result- and I could not afford to miss any class back then, let alone a few days at school for training. I should not have been so, because I still remember my friends saying this to me after listening to my reason of declining the offer to go to a Pandu Puteri Camping because the exam (well, a monthly test in my school was treated like a real exam anyway) was just in 2-3 weeks time: ‘Afni, kalau aku jadi ko, aku pegi je..ko tak akan dapat result teruk pun kalau ko gi’. But I was never convinced! Why, oh why!
And now, I know I still have time to change, and I think I do improve with time, but the pain is still there. I encourage my sister and brother to grab any opportunity that comes to them, encouraging them to use every potential they have to the fullest during their school days- because it is where everything begins. I try to make them study hard without losing the fun, just to make up for the big loss that I have.
Anyway, the least to be regretful of is the hockey thing- I played for the school team, and that was good enough, since if I were to go to any higher level, I need to wear short skirts. Which is another issue I am going to address in a later entry InshaAllah. So it was good that I stopped there before it give me more frustration, right?
I should have snapped some pics of that encouraging young man, but I was so lazy to take out some coins (according to my belief, never take a picture of any street performer without giving him any token of appreciation) that I just walked by after watching for 1 minute or less, but the smile lingered- remembering all those things I did not do, and things I should do now to make up for the loss of zillions of opportunities. And of course, reminiscing how I managed to get away from high school with my co-curicullum cert merited as ‘excellent’for 81 marks collected, despite my lazy bums (and it got those boys who played rugby for Malaysia moaning in protest) !