Month: February 2007

Sayang anak tangan-tangankan

Saya tidak akan menyalahkan emak kerana tidak membenarkan saya untuk berdiet (every now and then when I think I am fat)- emak sering meyakinkan saya bahawa saya sudah cukup kurus.

Saya juga akan menyokong emak kerana berusaha mengawal pemakanan kedua-dua adik saya yang sangat suka makan – walaupun adik lelaki saya yang seorang itu sering berubah fikiran : pernah dia menangis kerana emak tidak memasak lauk yang dia sukai, dan pernah pula dia marah-marah kerana emak memasak sedap-sedap sehingga dia tidak boleh menguruskan badan.

Kenapa?

Kerana mungkin sekali jika saya dan adik-adik tidak sihat (aneroxic atau obese), emak akan dibawa ke mahkamah (jika emak ada di UK), seperti ibu dalam berita di bawah:


‘You are loving this youngster to death’

Journal Live, Feb 26, 2007

Saya turunkan beberapa excerpt yang menarik perhatian saya.
The family of an eight-year-old boy who is clinically obese were last night accused of “child abuse”.

Tomorrow – in an unprecedented move in the fight against child obesity – his mother and grandmother will attend a formal child protection conference to decide his future, which could lead to proceedings to take him into care.

Connor, of Strawberry Gardens, Wallsend, could be placed on the child protection register – along with victims of physical and sexual abuse, or on the less serious children in need register.

Consultant paediatrician Dr Michael Markiewicz, of a private London hospital, said unless Connor lost a lot of weight, he was facing an early death.

The Jubilee Primary School pupil has missed weeks of classes because he cannot manage the five-minute walk to school without running out of breath or vomiting.

“I will fight for Connor, I will not let them take him away from me. They say he is a victim of child abuse, how can he be?

“We all love him. If he was being abused he would be thin, surely. If he was abused I would not be feeding him, I would not be jumping to his every beck and call to make him food to eat.”

Benar. Sayang anak tangan-tangankan, itu isu yang lebih besar. Sayang tidak bererti membiarkan orang-orang yang dikasihi melakukan apa sahaja yang mereka sukai walaupun kelak memudaratkan diri.

Sayang kepada rakan-rakan bererti kita perlu menegur kesalahan mereka, biar mungkin pahit yang akan dirasa jika mereka berkecil hati. Kasih sayang sesama kita seharusnya membawa ke syurga. Tegarkah kita membiarkan sahabat-sahabat terhumban ke neraka kerana dosa-dosa yang kita sedari tetapi tidak ditegur? Lebih buruk andai kita terheret sekali kerana tanggungjawab yang tidak ditunaikan.

Sering saya tekankan dalam pertemuan saya dengan adik-adik di Manchester: Kalau semua orang menjaga diri mereka dan keluarga mereka dari terjerumus dalam dosa – itu sudah cukup untuk menjadikan dunia ini bebas dari masalah.

Pokoknya, perbaiki diri, tegur ahli keluarga. Islah circle of influence masing-masing.

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Musafirah – Part 2

Saya yang hanya mampu mengikut arus, akhirnya mengambil keputusan untuk duduk di bangku yang tersusun. Sengaja saya memilih bangku yang tidak berdekatan dengan penunggu-penunggu lain. Membelakangkan kedai menjual beg saya duduk bersendiri, memerhati teksi-teksi yang masuk keluar dari perkarangan parkir tempat menunggu penumpang. Inilah Malaysia! Terdetik dalam hati, entah apa konotasinya. Bangga? Mungkin. Sekilas tadi saya terlihat satu dua pemandu teksi mengangkat barang-barang pelancong Caucasian ke dalam bonet kereta. Malaysia, khususnya bandaraya Melaka ini sudah tentulah menjadi tarikan pelancong. Mungkin juga keluhan tadi berbaur khuatir. Sekeliling saya bukan satu-dua imigran Indonesia. Bukan prejudis, tidak. Bukan juga perkauman. Mereka barangkali Islam, saudara-saudara seagama saya juga. Dari rumpun Nusantara juga bahkan, tetapi salahkah saya untuk berhati-hati dengan mereka? Tidak sedikit kes jenayah yang dikaitkan dengan pendatang dari Indonesia.
Lama saya duduk di situ, sekali-sekala mencapai popiah goreng bekalan Along. Cuba untuk meneruskan pembacaan buku tulisan Hamza Yusuf, tetapi dalam kekalutan seperti ini, saya tidak mampu fokus. Lebih cenderung untuk memerhati. Ya, perhatikanlah! Inilah Malaysia, medan perjuangan saya. Medan pertarungan yang jauh sekali bezanya dengan dunia universiti yang manis-manis, yang indah-indah dengan kawan-kawan sefikrah yang sama daya intelektualnya. Akan terkorbankah saya? Nauzu billah.

Saya bingkas bangun. Menarik beg perlahan, saya mencari-cari papan tanda arah ke tandas. Ramai benar orang, berkerumun di gerai-gerai menjual barang.

Di depan tandas. Beg harus ditinggalkan di luar, biasanya saya memohon jasa baik pemungut bayaran, tetapi kali ini, saya ragu-ragu. Makcik yang menjaga tandas itu tidak kelihatan mesra, tetapi apa salahnya mohon jagakan barang-barang saya?

Saya hadiahkan senyum.Tidak berbalas.
‘Makcik, saya tinggalkan beg saya kat sini ya?’

Tiada respon. Arghh! Susah benarkah untuk menjawab ya atau tidak? Hati sedikit panas dan kesal. Kesal itu lebih mendominasi. Hampir setahun di bumi England, saya banyak belajar tentang kesopanan. Belajar untuk menyebut ‘please’ di setiap akhir permintaan. Tiada apa yang sukar untuk mengucapkan terima kasih pada yang sudi membukakan pintu, apatah lagi untuk membalas senyuman.

Inilah Malaysia! Saya mengeluh lagi. Kalaupun segan untuk patuh kepada Rukun Negara yang menyuruh mengamalkan kesopanan dan kesusilaan, ingat-ingatlah ajaran agama. Bermuka manis kepada orang di sekeliling juga sedekah. Malah senaman yang baik juga untuk muka, ada pula kesannya pada emosi sendiri. Emak seringkali meluahkan rasa kesalnya dengan peniaga-peniaga Melayu. Hendakkan untung, tetapi perasaan pelanggan tidak pernah mahu dijaga. Pelanggan masuk ke kedai, sedikit pun tidak teringin untuk menyapa. Peniaga Cina kata emak, ucapan terima kasih itu tidak pernah lekang.

Tawakal sajalah, saya menggesa diri. Beg tarik saya tinggalkan bersebelahan pintu masuk ke tandas, 4-5 kaki dari meja tempat makcik tersebut mengutip bayaran. Kalaupun hilang, di dalamnya cuma ada baju-baju, saya memujuk hati.

Saya tetap mengucapkan terima kasih kepada makcik penjaga itu, tetap menghadiahkan senyum walaupun dia hanya memandang sekilas. Barangkali dia tidakpun sedar saya letakkan beg berdekatannya. Saya berpusing-pusing di dalam Melaka Sentral yang luas itu, menjenguk-jenguk barang-barang yang dijual meski tiada niat untuk membeli. Kembali mencari tempat duduk, saya mengisi bangku kosong paling hampir dengan tempat pemandu-pemandu teksi berkumpul, dekat dengan televisyen, mudah-mudahan hilanglah kebosanan saya.

Malangnya, tidak. TV hanya menayangkan cerita hitam-putih yang tidak saya kenali pelakonnya. Tidak berminat untuk mengikuti filem itu, saya kembali menelaah, sekali-sekala menulis nota di PDA. Seminit dua berhenti berfikir, tiba-tiba disapa lelaki yang menjaga kaunter, selayaknya saya memanggil pakcik.

‘Kenapa masam je muka adik ni? Macam kena tinggal boyfriend!’
Saya ketawa. Boyfriend pun tak ada, kata saya dalam hati, yang ada hanyalah kawan perempuan yang tidak sampai-sampai lagi!
Dia bertanya kalau-kalau memerlukan teksi, saya geleng, menunggu kawan, jawab saya.
Terus mati di situ perbualan.

Selesai menunaikan solat di surau, Hanee menelefon, bertanyakan kedudukan Melaka Sentral. Hanee sudah terlihat Tesco, tetapi tidak dapat memastikan susur keluar untuk sampai ke Melaka Sentral. . Dengan jalan bertaraf lebuh raya, memang sukar mencari susur keluar, dan ketibaan Hanee di Melaka ini sudah cukup untuk membuatkan saya bersyukur, ini kali pertama Hanee memandu bersendirian di luar Batu Pahat!

Gen-2 warna emas akhirnya tiba, tidak memaksa saya menunggu lama.

‘Tahniah, berjaya juga kau drive sampai ke Melaka!’ , Saya mengusik riang. Hanee sendiri mengaku mempunyai ‘sense of direction’ yang teruk, jadi memandu dari Batu Pahat ke bandar Melaka ini sudah pastilah merupakan pencapaian yang patut saya hargai.

Hanee sengih. Bersalam dan berpelukan seolah lama tidak bertemu, padahal baru tiga minggu kami berpisah di KLIA dahulu.

‘Akhirnya tinggal kita berdua juga. Balik-balik muka ni juga, tak berkembang betul!’ Hanee berjenaka.

Memang, saya membenarkan. Tidak cukup ke hulu ke hilir di Manchester berduaan: ke kelas, pulang ke hall, ke Worldwide membeli ayam halal, sampai di Malaysia masih mahu berkepit juga. Di Manchester, agaknya kerana sudah terbiasa melihat kami begitu, andai Hanee hadir ke satu-satu majlis tanpa saya, penat mulutnya memberi sebab ketiadaan saya. Begitu juga sebaliknya. Cuma akhir-akhir Hanee tidak betah menemankan saya membeli-belah. Seolah ada sumpahan, asal saja keluar bersama saya, mesti kantuk datang menjelma. Sudahnya sekarang, saya senang keluar membeli barang sendirian.

Kereta Gen-2 yang dipandu menyusur keluar ke jalan besar, sebenarnya lebih tepat dipanggil lebuh raya. Destinasi kami, Alor Gajah. Itu bukan destinasi akhir, tetapi itulah arahan Ustaz Md Noor yang bakal menguruskan kami sepanjang seminggu ini.

Saya mengeluarkan CD yang baru dibeli. Jatuh cinta dengan lagu yang dikirim oleh seorang sahabat di Auckland – ‘Bila Waktu Telah Berakhir’ nyanyian Opick, penyanyi dari Indonesia, sepulang ke Malaysia bergegas saya mencari CD penyanyi tersebut. Memang boleh dimuat turun dari internet, tetapi ada kalanya saya rasa bersalah- saya mendapat kebaikan yang tidak sedikit dari nyanyian penyanyi itu, apa salahnya saya mengeluarkan sedikit wang sebagai tanda menghargai?

Nafsu jiwa yang memboncah, menutupi mata hati
Seperti terlupa bahawa nafas kan terhenti

Astaghfirullah, astaghfirullah,
Astaghfirullah al ‘Azim

Enak saya menghayati setiap bait lagu itu, menghela nafas lega sekurang-kurangnya saya sudah bersama-sama Hanee. Sama-sama mencari redha Ilahi. Cukuplah tiga minggu yang melekakan. Saya sendirian di rumah, memang membosankan. Adik-adik diam di asrama, mak dan ayah tidak pulang melainkan apabila hari menjelang petang, saya cuma ditemani majalah dan buku-buku, yang saya biar bertaburan di bilik, juga televisyen. Televisyen bukan objek kegemaran saya, tetapi musim panas ini menyaksikan Piala Dunia berlangsung di Jerman, memaksa saya untuk turut bermalas-malas di depan televisyen. Adik-adik memang kaki televisyen, dan kaki bola juga, dan sepantasnya mereka mengorbankan saluran kegemaran saya – Education kepada Sports menjelang Piala Dunia. Mengamuk besar saya setibanya di rumah, membebel tak henti menyuarakan kekesalan. Mereka tidak endah-Angah bukannya lama di rumah kata mereka.

Bersambung.

Me acting?


Regardless of the time which was actually my bed time, I had to force myself to go the VENUS GALA (2007) Audition yesterday: Since Kak Ros the penghulunita was not around then I had to take over her place, which is not a job I like so much I guess. I was supposed to be there to observe, not to participate but later I ended up being auditioned as well, and guess what, I think acting is reaallly fun.

It is not that I don’t have any opportunity to act before, back in college we used to have various competition on things like this, but I just liked to avoid doing that by keeping myself busy with other backstage tasks.

So I was given two roles for the theatre ‘Harum Cinta Aisyah’ which I had to politely refused to accept due to my enormous workload as one of the organizing committees. I think I want to dance as well but of course I could not.

Too bad.

Is there any society who would like to have an all-girls event like this? I seriously want to participate..huhuh

Shi shi shi

si shi si
shi shi shi
shi si shi shi si
si shi shi si shi

4 is 4
10 is 10
40 is 40
14 is 14

A nice tongue-twister eh? I got only 4 out of 10 marks for pronouncing those words πŸ™‚

I signed up for mandarin classes at international society this semester. Routine is killing me, so I think I better try to learn and do something new. I miss learning new languages so much, the last time was when I learned Arabic for my PMR. I am planning to go to Egypt later this summer, Insha Allah, so the need to further revising and learning that important language is kept on hold for the time being.

It is good to learn a new language (well, at least it makes my brain working in a way different from the way I use it for logics and maths) and others’ culture as well.

I guess what sparks my interest in this language is the book I read before – Wild Swans , on the history of China under Chairman Mao. That is really a good book, I would have read it again and again, it makes me more grateful of what I have everytime I do.

Anyway, I am recovering quick from my one-week battle with various illnesses : a strict to-do list way of working is deteriorating my health, it keeps me pressurized and restless unless everything is properly done. Huh!

Hao de, really want to write again but my to-do list is hunting me unless I’ve crossed out every item.

I’ll make all my worries, ONE!

One of the Prophet’s (pbuh) companion made his life easier by making all his worries, one: to please Allah.

A woman I am, I worry too much. I worry of what I have, what I had, and what I will have. Now, I am trying to limit my worry to just one.

I like this song by Bryan Adams (It’s Hanee fav song as well). Everything I do, I do it for you. Is not that the essence of love – sincerity?

Look into my eyes – you will see
What you mean to me
Search your heart – search your soul
And when you find me there you’ll search no more
Don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for
You can’t tell me it’s not worth dyin’ for
You know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you

Look into my heart – you will find
There’s nothin’ there to hide
Take me as I am – take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don’t tell me it’s not worth fightin’ for
I can’t help it there’s nothin’ I want more
Ya know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you

There’s no love – like your love
And no other – could give more love
There’s nowhere – unless you’re there
All the time – all the way

Don’t tell me it’s not worth tryin’ for
I can’t help it there’s nothin’ I want more
I would fight for you – I’d lie for you
Walk the wire for you – Ya I’d die for you

Ya know it’s true
Everything I do – I do it for you

Affirmation for today:No more tears, Afni, no more.

Chechnya: A Small Victorious War

Alhamdulillah. Being bed-ridden for the whole day did not really meant nothing, at least I managed to finish ‘Chechnya: A Small Victorious War’ after having enough sleep and rest to revive my lost energy. With headache, a running nose and possible slight fever, I missed two classes this week plus some sessions on design project. Never mind, I believe I can catch up with whatever I missed.

What drew me to borrow this book from the Central Library is the interest of one of my friends on the fighters in Chechen war. Honestly, I’ve heard a lot about this war, but never really get a clear picture on what has really happened. My curiosity heightened as I browse through my friend’s Friendster page, seeing many pictures of Chechen fighters uploaded. What’s up with these men?

Then, having finished this book and did a little follow-up research I came to understand.

I did learn a great deal from this book.

First, begin with the end in mind. Then you will have the strength to face whatever that is coming your way. I refer to this paragraph:

‘The Russian soldiers in Chechnya were ‘tired, exhausted and indifferent to everything. Men who do not know why they are there, who do not understand what constitutional duty means. Nobody explained this to them either before they were sent there, or after they got there.’ The Chechen, on the other hand, were ‘absolutely confident that they are fighting for their freedom, people who have lost relatives, in short people who have very good reason to fight seriously.’ ‘

Second, the modern war, as said by George Galloway, MP during the talk I attended earlier, is not about which side you are in, but who you are. Say, though I am a Muslim and I personally detest any killings of civilians and terrorism, it will not make me exempted from having the possibility of being associated to terrorism. You see what I mean?

It is proven in this book. Even Russians residing in Chechnya were killed by the Russian soldiers.

‘It’s our own troops who are killing here,’ shouted Tanya Yemelina, a blonde forty-year-old Russian woman…

Unlike the Chechens, who could rely on their extended family networks and find shelter with relatives in the village or elsewhere outside Chechnya, many of the Russians literally had nowhere to go.

I really want to write some more about this book, but for the time being this is It is saddening to know that though the war ended with Aslan Maskhadov being the President and the status of Chechnya, either being totally independent or not will be decided until 2001, until now no country in this world recognize Chechnya as an independent republic. No Muslim country ever given the recognition needed except for Afghanistan (under Taliban), let alone any support to rebuild the country.

It gives me heartache to swallow the reality that we Muslims actually fear losing the economic returns by trading with the Russian Federation rather than backing our own brothers.

Shame on us that we fear we will die if we do not support the States.

Shame on us.

For further reading:
http://www.islamonline.net/English/Views/2002/10/article11.shtml

No Way Out


War.

Have ever thought how wars have shaped our lives?

Have ever thought how wars have shaped some unfortunate lives?

I never really ponder about wars until I watched the film ‘The Patriot’, starred by Mel Gibson when I was in Form 4. That is still one of my favourite film, though I still do not have the gut to watch it for the second time. The reality hit me so hard, I do not think I have the emotional strength to immerse in the sadness caused by the film. The fact that the film was based on a true story made it worse. It was when I watched that film that I came to ponder: the truth and reality faced by patriots, fighters, whatever you called them when they make a decision to take part in a battle: the risk of losing their own lives, leaving their loved ones.

Then I came to understand how great were the courage of the Muslim fighters back then. Remember Hanzalah (I think I got his name correct), who without thinking twice, left his newly-wedded bride to go to an expedition with Rasulullah s.a.w. That is unthinkable. For a mother to happily accept the fact that she had lost all her sons to a battle against the enemy of Islam (I forgot her name). Then I got to question myself, what if there is a call to go into a battle right now, how would I react? What if suddenly Malaysia was dragged into a war like what happened in Ambon? At that time, the issue that was commonly discussed among us students was the fighting between Muslims and Christians in Ambon. That was really horrible. We students were shown the documentaries on the war and they left me thinking hard about these wars, and since that talking about wars will make my eyes watery.

The only reason I am writing about this is because during the two-day break before I started my new semester, my best friend Aida came all the way from London to see me. She had no intention to shop, or going to the Stadium (which are two main reasons why people come to Manchester, then I brought her to Salford Quays, sightseeing trip I would say.

So we went to the Imperial War Museum, my first time as well. But we had to walk a greeeeat deal (sorry dear)- to put it under a more optimistic light we called it the future chemical engineers tour- a tour through various processing plants (read: we lost).

Well, I would say that the design of the building is impressive. Yes. I do get amazed easily by structures. His inspiration was the earth, broken into parts (by war), and the fractions combined in a way that gives you the shape of the building.

Forget that.

The museum dragged you back to the past. It starts with the World War I – which started by the murder of Franz Ferdinand in Bosnia Herzegovina (you guys sure can recall having to memorize this for SPM), then to the World War II and to the current, modern days war. A good revision on history I guess.

Now ask myself what I get.

Sickness.

I really, really wonder what British people think about the involvement of their country in these wars. Are they proud of the history? Are they angry about that?

War had and have forced many people to lead live they had never thought about before. During WWII, everyone was mobilised. Women were urged to roll up their sleeves and made munitions. The important role of propaganda is inevitable during wartime.

What did they feel during that time? With the war having unknown ending, what future did they have?

The museum has this session offering audio-visual experience, continually changing images are projected onto the walls (yes, every wall available)- with the music and sounds. And of course, I was moved to tears. I just could not help. I just feel hopeless thinking about my brothers and sisters in Palestine, Iraq, wherever they are- they do listen to the sound of firing rifle and bombs and tanks, but the real ones. Do they still have hope?

I am currently reading ‘Chechnya, the Small Victorious War’. With a few pages left to read, now I do understand why some people look up so much to the Chechen fighters. Courageous and brave, with pure hearts and intentions, there is no wonder why they get help from Allah. The story I heard was that they did received miraculous help just like those people in the past when Rasulullah s.a.w was still alive, when fighting against the Russians was justified. I might post an entry about the book later.

Above all, watching all the exhibitions, I sympathized with those souls forced to fight in a war, some of them even had no idea what they were fighting for. Have pity on them, they were the victims of their leaders’ selfish vision – be it during the Gulf War, or the Iraq war. They turned into killers and murderers without reason.

And I wonder what had come to the mind of this man, when he said:

‘Close your heart to pity, act brutally.’

Hitler, 22 August 1939.