Month: April 2006

The Untitled #1

Maaf kawan,
Andai hari ini tiada istimewa

Maaf kawan
Untuk kuujar sahabat padamu
kurasa tiada perlu
kerana rasa itu sudah lama berlalu

Maaf kawan,
Kerana andai engkau mencariku,
Tak mungkin kautemui aku yang dulu
Kerana lewat perpisahan itu aku sudah bisa menghalau nafsu
yang kerap membisik cinta-kasih padamu

Maaf kawan,
Pada janji yang aku lupai
Pada rasa yang lama mati
Pada rindu yang kukubur sepi

Maaf kawan,
Kerana kita sudah tidak punya kenangan
Yang telah pantas aku lemparkan

Maaf kawan,
Andai esok, lusa atau bila-bila
Hari ini datang lagi dan aku masih seperti ini
Kerana semalam adalah kisah yang sudah lama lari.

Manchester, April 7 2006.

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Remembering the Beloved.. menjelang Maulidur Rasul

Lupa nak bercerita tentang Sirah Tour yang sampai ke Manchester 23 Mac lalu. Memang menarik: dari tema, konsep, & penyampai-penyampainya (speakers) semuanya menarik. Terima kasih kepada Hanee yang mendahulukan wangnya untuk membelikan tiket. £5, tapi sudah pasti tak ternilai dengan ilmu yang diterima (pastikan anda tidak berusaha menukar nilai matawang ini ke dalam ringgit Malaysia).

Tajuknya sahaja sudah mengingatkan saya akan betapa sedikitnya saya mengingati seseorang yang sepatutnya lebih saya cintai dari diri sendiri. Berapa kali agaknya saya berselawat dalam sehari selain dari selawat yang wajib dalam tahiyat? Hmm..agaknya boleh dikira dengan jari..astaghfirullah. Malu rasanya mengaku Rasulullah sebagai kekasih tetapi kekasih yang bagaimanakah saya ini sekiranya langsung tidak mengingati individu yang dikasihi itu?

Event dimulakan dengan bacaan alQuran oleh Shaykh Muhammad Nabil. Subhannallah..Masya Allah. Amat merdu didengar. Dengan kefahaman bahasa Arab saya yang dangkal ini hati sudah begitu tersentuh, bagaimana dengan orang yang memang memahami bahasa syurga itu? Agaknya boleh menitis air mata. Apabila mendengar bacaan al quran berlagu indah seperti ini rasa menyesal benar. Masa di sekolah dulu, rakan-rakan (esp kakak2 dorm) giat menyuruh saya pergi ke kelas tarannum al Quran tapi saya pergi cuma sekali. Sesal dahulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian mcm sekarang dh payah. Nak keluarkan suara pun dh mls..

OK OK. Back to the main story.

Speaker pertama malam itu ialah Abdur Rahman Helbawy. (untuk maklumat lanjut tentang speakers berkunjunglah ke www.sirahtour.com). Beliau menyampaikan bahagian pertama diskusi pada malam itu : KNOWING THE BELOVED. Menarik saya fikir, kerana tema Sirah tour ini disampaikan satu-persatu. Benar bukan, sebelum boleh kita mengingati seseorang itu, terlebih dahulu kita perlu kenal. Banyak isi yang praktikal disampaikan oleh speaker pertama, yang mungkin boleh saya rumuskan seperti berikut:

– if u want your heart to be enlightened, take time to read the story & sirah of the solihin. And the one who is most solih is of course, our beloved Prophet Muhammad s.a.w.

– Allah sememangnya telah menciptakan makhluknya dalam keadaan ada sesetengahnya dipilih dan dilebihkan di atas makhluk yang lain. Dalam betapa banyak tempat di dunia ini, Allah melebihkan Makkah, Madinah dan Al Quds. Antara masa & waktu yang Allah ciptakan di dunia ini, Allah melebihkan hari Jumaat, malam al Qadr dan sebagainya berbanding yang lain. Dan dalam ramai-ramai manusia ciptaan Allah, Telah dilebihkan sesetengahnya: keluarga Imran, keturunan Ibrahim dan pastinya Muhammad s.a.w mengatasi manusia yang lain.(Maka kerana Allah telah memilih baginda dan mengasihi baginda melebihi yang lain, mengapakah kita masih tidak pantas menyintai baginda juga?)

-atas kelebihan Rasulullah s.a.w inilah perlunya kita berselawat atas baginda. Malah dalam mazhab Hanafi hukumnya wajib utk berselawat ke atas baginda apabila disebut namanya.

-tapi sekarang ni kita dpt merasakan bahawa we lack attachment to our Prophet s.a.w. Why? sebab kita tak kenal baginda. Tak kenal maka x cinta.

-diberitahu juga bahawa there are 2 kind of people who can see the prophet s.a.w in their visions/dreams: 1. the companions
2. somebody who knows how Rasulullah s.a.w looked like.

-jadi, kalau kita berharap utk bertemu Rasulullah (dalam mimpi etc), maka perlulah kita mengetahui physical description of the Beloved first:

‘He is the most beautiful of all creations. Most of us think of Yusuf a.s. as the most beautiful person in this world but actually it is Muhammad s.a.w. who is the most beautiful, that’s why he is the al-mustafa. His skin was not to fair, nor too dark.He had black and wavy hair (turut distresskan di sini tentang sunnah utk ‘be generous to your hair’), his eyebrows were like crescent. His eyelashes were black and long. His eyes were round and large, black in colour with touches of brown. When he stand, he stood straight, not bowing or anything. He is neither too short, nor too tall.’

(ni je yang sempat dicatatkan. Speaker turut menegaskan ada banyak lagi riwayat mengenai fizikal Rasulullah s.a.w, so kena make an effort untuk cari sendiri laaa..)

Okes..esok2 saya sambung share lagi other parts of the discussion. huhu..

Evil has many faces…

OK. So we postponed our plan to go on an outing to the Salford Quays this morning, but hey, we had a great girls’ nite yesterday. It was just 5 of us: Kak Sarah (i.e. the host), Hanee, Kimah a.k.a the giggly GG, Aidah and I.

We had a nice dinner: Seafood spaghetti (thanks to kak sarah) and followed by a nice movie. a movie that very soon i might consider adding it to my favourite movie list in my friendster profile (uhh..my life has suddenly revolve around friendster only :P). THE GOOD SON (1993). Macaulay Culkin..Elijah Wood..but it was 1993, they were still cute kids. Kak Sarah has warned us earlier that this movie is quite horrifying, in term of its potrayal of violence (no wonder it is rated 18).

You see, this kid named Mark (Elijah Wood) was some kind of distressed child after the death of his mother, and his father decided to let him get some fun during the winter break with his uncle Wallace’s family..and these two kids- Henry..ok, fine. i am so lazy that i am copying down the plot outline from http://www.imdb.com so that i can jump to the personal reflection part 😛 Forgive me.

While 12-year-old Mark Evans is at his mother’s side as she’s dying of cancer at a hospital in Arizona, she makes him promise her that she won’t die. When she does die, Mark is consumed with grief, and is also guilt-ridden because he couldn’t keep his promise to her. Shortly after, Mark’s father Jack is assigned to take a two week business trip to Tokyo, Japan. Thinking that the blustery Maine environment will do Mark some good, Jack leaves Mark with Jack’s brother Wallace Evans in Maine while Jack is on his trip. Wallace and his wife Susan have a son Mark’s age named Henry and an 8-year-old daughter named Connie. Wallace and Susan’s 3-year-old son Richard died by drowning in the bathtub a few months ago. At first, Mark and Henry get along great, but Mark begins to notice that Henry’s ideas of fun differ significantly from his own. Henry threatens to topple Mark from a 15 meter high tree house, and Henry shows Mark his dummy, named “Mr. Highway”, which Henry drops from an overpass onto a highway, causing a 10-car pileup. Later, Henry uses his homemade crossbow to kill the neighbor’s dog. Henry also insinuates that Richard’s drowning was not an accident. But Henry’s perfect son facade is so convincing that no one believes Mark. Everyone is convinced that Mark is just acting out the trauma of his mother’s death. Mark knows that Henry drowned Richard in a fit of jealousy because it seemed to Henry that Susan and Wallace were giving Richard the most attention. Also, Mark believes that his mother has been reincarnated in Susan, and he makes the mistake of telling Henry about it. Fueled by more jealousy than ever before, Henry’s reign of terror escalates, and he hints to Mark that he plans to kill Connie for the same reason why he killed Richard. But even after Connie survives a suspicious ice skating accident, Mark’s fears are still dismissed. And then Susan discovers Henry’s secret playhouse, and she finds the rubber duckie that was missing from Richard’s bath on the day of the drowning. Now that Susan knows the truth, will she save her nephew or her own son?

The throwing away ‘Mr Highway’ part was seriously terrifying.It is not because i rarely see violence act like that (violence is everywhere around us, even i do practise it sometimes..unconsciously of course), but it was shocking since it was done by kids.I mean, is it real that a child can think of planning such evil deed? What did he get from that? You can watch that scene in the trailer here It was unexpected that a kid would be sooo evil. so psychotic. children behaviour, that was the subject we were supposed to learn from the movie, said kak sarah.

The review said that these actions were fueled by jealousy, which is the writer’s opinion obviously since though you can see it a few times in the movie that this evil kid does envy the attention given from his parents to others (Mark, his cousin..sister), you might as well give other factors that contribute to such a behavior. Influence from media (even though there’s no scene in this movie showing Henry watching TV), is probably another good one.

though this movie is nice, but when it comes to the ending i found myself with quite a number of questions:

1. at the end of the story, after knowing the truth that her very own son wanted to kill her, she decided to save her nephew instead of Henry, his son. This is arguable. would a mother do that? isn’t that mother’s love is unconditional? huhuh..
2. can a child be so evil just out of jealousy?is it the parents’ fault? is it his fault? if this happen in our society (which i do think it happens)who is to be blamed?

This isn’t a good review, i know, but i just wanted myself to think. Below are some quotes from the movie:

Henry: I feel sorry for you, Mark. You just don’t know how to have fun.
Mark: What?
Henry: It’s because you’re scared all the time. I know. I used to be scared too. But that was before I found out.
Mark: Found out what?
Henry: That once you realize that you can do anything… you’re free. You can fly. Nobody can touch you… nobody. Mark… don’t be afraid to fly.
Mark: You’re sick…
Henry: Hey, I promise you something amazing, something you’ll never forget. Where’s the gratitude?

Take a Break!

Alhamdulillah. Akhirnya saya telah memulakan cuti 3 minggu sempena Easter. Saya sendiri tak pasti apa fungsi cuti Easter ini setelah bertanya beberapa orang rakan Kristian (termasuk rakan makmal dan teman seflat), kerana mereka nyata tidak pula menyambut perayaan agama ini secara besar-besaran. Kemudian bila difikir-fikirkan semula, di Malaysia pun cuti bukannya kerana menggalakkan masyarakat supaya merayakan, cuti sudah menjadi semata-mata cuti. contohnya cuti sempena Maulidur Rasul, Nuzul Quran. Kadanga-kadang orang seronok bercuti, tp xtau pulak kenapa diberi cuti. Saya pun sama la.

Tak mengapalah. Yang penting sekarang saya sudah mula bercuti. Dan seperti biasalah, masa permulaan cuti ni mmg byk perancangan..semua benda nak buat. Tapi agenda utama sudah pastilah aktiviti mengulangkaji, sementelahan pula saya tidak merancang untuk ke mana-mana (yang dimaksudkan di sini adalah bercuti ke luar UK). Tambahan pula sebaik sahaja bermula sesi pengajian selepas cuti saya akan berhadapan dengan ‘Design project’ selama 2 minggu, dan I don’t want to look stupid kalau tak bersedia dengan extra information about it. Pertengahan bulan 5 saya akan menduduki peperiksaan semester 2, maka saya tidak merasa ralat tidak merancang percutian ke mana-mana destinasi seperti rakan-rakan saya yang lain (Amsterdam, Mesir, Italy, Venice).

Paling menggembirakan saya apabila tiba cuti sudah pastilah keluangan masa untuk menghabiskan pembacaan buku-buku (ilmiah & bukan ilmiah ;P) yang tidak pernah habis dibaca (bahkan ada yang belum mula dibaca walaupun sudah beberapa bulan dibeli). Perancangan saya, saya ingin habiskan ar-Raheequl Makhtum terlebih dahulu. Betapa aneh, kalau novel biasa sehari pun boleh saya habiskan,tapi buku yang satu ni satu bab pun lmbt benar nak dihabiskan. Adakah mungkin kerana cara pembacaan yang berbeza (ini buku sirah & ilmiah, perlukan analisis etc) atau saya sendiri yang bermasalah tak mampu melawan kehendak nafsu yg slalu menyuruh saya tidur setiap kali membacanya? Rasanya saya perlu target untuk habiskan Tafsir Ibn Kathir Volume 1 juga kot, dah lama sangat dipinjam dari Surau UMIST..huhuh.Hmm..ada lagi satu buku menarik yang saya naaaaakk sangat baca- ‘The History of The Khalifahs’ by Jalaluddin as-suyuti. Buki ini dibeli 2 Disember 2005 tp sampai sekrang satu page pon belum saya baca. Ada sesiapa nak tolong bacakan dan ceritakan balik pd saya? Lagi satu buku yang saya beli tanpa berfikir panjang, ‘Between a Rock & a Hard Place’- yang akhirnya saya hilang enthuasism utk membacanya hanya dengan menilik-nilik gambar yang dilampirkan dalam novel tersebut. JAdi buku ini mungkin sekali yang paling akhir akan saya habiskan..mungkin tahun depan.

OK. cukuplah cerita psl buku. Berkisah pasal cuti pulak. InshaAllah esok saya, Hanee, dan Hakimah akan bertandang ke rumah Kak Sarah (postgrad, Whalley Range) menemankannya..masak-masak..makan-makan.. tgk DVD, pendek kata ‘having a Girls Nite’ sementelahan suaminya bertugas malam. Ada peracangan untuk ke salford Quays pagi esoknya. Menarik juga. Tempat tu khabarnya syurga untuk pembeli-belah (bukan saya pastinya, dengan keadaan akaun yang kurang memuaskan).. tapi yang paling menarik bagi saya tentulah kedudukannya yang berdekatan dengan sungai. ‘Makhluk air’ macam saya (a term coined by Cik Hakimah) mmg teruja dengan scenery berair2 ni.. semacam ada satu ketenangan yang x sama dengan ketenangan yg bersumberkan persekitaran lain mcm dalam hutan cthnya.

Tapi sebenarnya saya mmg xlayak bercuti sebab sebelum bermula cuti Easter lagi saya dah pergi bercuti ala2 family trip dengan keluarga angkat. Kami ke Silloth, Lake District selama 3 hari 2 malam. akan saya upload gambar2 di sana. Kalau nak tgk skrg saya dah upload di Friendster.

Apa lagi? Lupa pula. Nak ucapkan terima kasih byk2 pada yang mengingati Hari ulan tahun kelahiran saya yang ke 21 isnin lalu. Jazakumullah. Saya mmg benar-benar diuji pada hari tersebut. Mungkin kerana penat beraktiviti pada hari Sabtu & Ahad sebelumnya, saya keletihan sampai demam pada hari Isnin tu. Maka jadilah saya birthday person (saya xmahu gunakan term birthday girl lagi, 21 sepatutnya dah berlagak lebih dewasa kan?)yang bed-ridden. Maka ketinggalanlah saya kelas Numerical Method, tutorial Mathematical Method dan juga kelas IT pada hari tersebut. Sakit kepala yang dah bermula sejak khamis minggu lalu semakin kronik pd hari isnin tu. alhamdulillah petang itu keadaan semakin baik dan malam tu bertenaga pulak saya menjawab soalan2 kuiz MPI. Terima kasih daun keladi kepada Kak Lida for the key ring, and Aidah for that lovely, pinky bracelet (I’m not a pink lover definitely. That’s such a bad generalization).

Tragisnya menyambut hari lahir dalam keadaan sepathetic itu- demam, jauh dari mak & ayah..agak-agak waktu yang sesuai saya pon menelefon emak..mengadulah..belum sempat saya bertanya khabar, mak dah wish birthday (sms mmg dah sampai seawal 3 pagi)..katanya dia cuba telefon saya pagi td tp xdpt. kemudian saya yang mmg emotionally & physically weak during that time burst into tears (i swear this is the last time i would cry on the phone, mom..lepas ni xbuat lagi).. ‘kenapa nangis ni?’ mak saya bertanya. ‘angah demam, hari ini xleh pi sekolah’..’ala..siannya anak mak..demam..’ apa lagi, lagi lajulaa air mata saya meleleh..org yang sedih jgn simpati sgt..nnt lagi teruk.

Kemudian saya menagih simpati kat ayah pulak. hehe.. saya kalo time demam mmg slalu igt ayah, sebab masa kecik2 dulu i.e. masa sekolah rendah kalau demam ayah yang tolong suapkan makanan kat katil. But pls, i’m not manja but my father mmg the type of father yg suka memanjakan. so, while i am still considered as his little girl apa salahnya saya wat camtu kan? 😉

Ok lah.. saya nak sambung stadi. betapa banyak idea and topik saya nak tulis dlm blog ni hanya Allah yang tahu. gian sebab dah lama xmenulis. sampai melimpah2 idea..oppss..nak stadi..hari ni baru buka buku beberapa muka surat..td layan DVD The Lion King Special Edition dengan Hanee, maka malam ini kena bekerja keras. Tarbiyah kerass..

Trying to understand..

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim..

(I wish I could write this post earlier)

aku di sini kan tetap terus mencuba
untuk beroleh cintaMu
walau ranjaunya menusuk pedih..

that’s part of my favourite song, which still can make my eyes teary every time i listen to it. if i am not a muslim, or someone who live in this circle of Islam, i would be amazed and confused by how hard people are trying to get Allah’s love. Why? and why? there is such a faith and believe that is sometimes not understandable.

everytime i read stories on the love of the sufis i just can’t help myself from thinking…what make them soo in love with Allah? One of the stories that still amaze me was one that i read from the book ‘Cinta kepada Allah’ (this book i bought right after i came back from nadwah kepimpinan islam, kisas 2001–so spirited to do a make-over :P), it was about a person (may Allah bless him) who accidentally cut his hand and the blood that dripped off his hand made a shape of Allah’s name. subhanallah. Also a story on an ‘abid who loved Allah so dearly that he just detached from the world, went on a hill, shouted his Lover’s name and fell down and dead.

the same kind of amazement struck me when i read the sirah on The Second ‘Aqabah Pledge from ar-Raheequl Makhtum. i spent a hard time trying to understand how these great people think when they are about give their pledge. I learnt about Aqabah Pledge years ago, even had to memorize the articles of the pledge when i was 10 but only after 11 years that i really understand what kind of faith these people had that they are willing to sacrifice everything they had for the sake of the newfound truth. (see how much they valued the truth?) i asked myself, if i were there at that time, would i do the same thing? would i give up everything for the sake of some one that i just knew?

i would like to copy down this part:

“when they (73 men plus 2 women)gathered for the pledge, Al Abbas bin ‘Ubadah bin Nadlah said: ‘Do you know the significance of the pact you are entering into with this man (Muhammad s.a.w)? You are in fact affirming that you will fight against various people. if you fear that your property will be at risk or the lives of your nobles will be in danger than leave him now, because if you do this after the pledge, it will be degrading for you both in this world and the world to come. But if you think that you can carry out what you are called upon to do in spite of the loss of precious lives and property, then undertake this heavy responsibility, and I swear by Allah, that herein lies the good of this world and that of the next.’

They replied,’We have already considered the loss of property and the murder of our notables, yet we pay him allegiance.But what is our reward if we observe all the items of this pact?’

The Prophet s.a.w replied: ‘Paradise is in store for you’.

(Would I do the same thing if I were there? Would I sacrifice my life for something that i haven’t seen?)

when i was young, when i learnt the fact that our Prophet Muhammad s.a.w died in Madinah instead of Mekah, his birthplace, i was like ‘Kenapa Rasulullah x wafat kat tempat lahir baginda?’ mcm somekind of ralat..why madinah? but after i read the answer from our prophet s.a.w to the question asked by Abul-Haitham bin at-Taihan:

‘O Messenger of Allah! Between us and the Jews, there are agreements which we would then sever. If Allah grants you power and victory, should we expect that you would not leave us, and join the ranks of your people(meaning the Quraish)?’

The prophet s.a.w smiled and replied:

‘Nay, it would never be; your blood will be my blood. In life and death I wil be with you and you with me. I will fight whom you fight and I will make peace with those whom you make peace’

Enough said i guess. It is just amazing how Islam bring out the best in people, how Islam make someone so determined, how a strong faith makes someone stand still for what one believes is true, how an unshakeable faith will make someone believe in Allah’s promise, though it is unseen, how Islam makes two groups of enemies become brothers, how the love for the truth made these people saw no way of turning back and regret…

and how stupid would i be if do not hold dear what i have right now..